Already got asked if we're dating
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Operation Purity has been aborted
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
