This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
