I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
