ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
