you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize