Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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