I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
