I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
