hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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