Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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