hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize