i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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