just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
