I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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