There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
