wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
