I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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