WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
