Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Randomize
