chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
