and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
