That's when you crack a 10am beer
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
