i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
