Welp...herpes.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Even my vagina gasped.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
