i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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