New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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