You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
