drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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