Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
