I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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