Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
