I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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