I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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