He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
