and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
