I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
