I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
