I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
