Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
