I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it's like iHOP with fire
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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