I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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