I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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