Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Two words: blizzard sex
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
