Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
