I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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