I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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