i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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