My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
