When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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