Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
